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A Guide To Surviving Relationships
Successful romantic relationships are among the most exciting and fulfilling experiences in life. Such relationships are not easy to keep and may eventually lead to heartaches. Hence it is important to find relationship advice before engaging in such relationships and even when already in such relationships. Below is a basic guide to follow which will increase your chances of having successful relationships and /or surviving it even after it has to end.
Assess oneself/prepare beforehand. Before considering or entering romantic relationships know that it is something that will demand from you considerable time and emotional investment and that entails they risk. Knowing this you will be in a position to approach it not only in an emotional way but rational as well.
Different kinds of relationships demand different investment in time, for example, and with respective risks. Long distance relationship means time to make calls, write emails or have chats. Relationship with co-worker means learning to balance job demands and relationship needs and
exposing oneself to office gossips. Entering into long term relationship would mean adjusting various aspects of your life to give space for the possibility of long term relationship. Being clear with details like this beforehand helps you negotiate the relationship and helps you determine whether to continue and whether to end it while surviving and remaining whole even after it was over.
Get to know the other person. Guide seekers find dating relationship advice that focus mostly on how both partners can enjoy their time together. A far more important priority of dating relationship advice should touch on how to get to know the other person in imperceptible ways. An example of this is asking question in an innocent unobtrusive ways. You can also encourage the other to talk or share about subjects that may be directly or tangentially related to important areas of concern to you or which you foresee as potential areas of future conflict. You can suggest activities or create situations that reveal who or how a person handles or relate to certain situations. For example, if you are a strong, outdoor type suggesting a hike to a nearby mountain will show you whether you will have someone to share the passion you are most proud of.
Let the other person know you. Similarly you need to deliberately let the other person know you, albeit, in a gradual, progressive way and purposefully - to get to know him even more and to help him adjust as it were to the dance steps of your growing relationship. Self-revelation should proceed proportionate to the degree and depth of emotional magnetism taking place between you. The other person may be enamored by some external aspect of you and grow to a deepening liking for you but remains ignorant of the deeper reality of who you are - a situation which when allowed to remain will eventually cause tension to the point of endangering the relationship.
Guide to making commitments. Enter into committed relationship, especially long term ones, based on who the other person is now, not on what you hope the other will become. What your-would-be partner now will likely be the same many years ahead from now. Do not expect him to change or hope that you change him. If he is the hot -tempered violent type and despite this you believe you can not live without him, you need to take good martial arts lesson and be sure you are better than him, so you can defend yourself in the likely event of family violence. If she is the outgoing, talkative type which you think you can hardly tolerate but still so captivated by her beauty and charm, learn to love listening to music on headphone so you won't mind wearing a headphone most of your domestic time when you need no live voice to hear. While love is supposed to be unconditional and sacrificial, being clear about the terms of endearments before making more solid commitment will go a long way towards avoiding martyrdom in relationships. Be clear what are non-negotiable for you and in your relationship. Get to know likewise that of your partner’s. When the romance is very strong people tend to make all sorts or promises and surrendering of preferences only to discover later that the ones compromised are so deeply ingrained and can not be negotiated, but then its too late or costly to get out of the relationship. The result is a baggage being carried for long term, which will eventually, become the trigger that finally breaks the relationship or worse the once happy family. Having said all these, keep a positive attitude and commit to building a growing relationship that you dream of having. For this you need to practice or keep some basic rules.
Basic rules for committed relationship 1. Accept and celebrate the otherness and uniqueness of your partner.
2. Respect your differences and do not focus or magnify these during times of conflict. Rather practice the art of sweet surrender; realize that your relationship is more important than your preferences or differences.
3. Attitude is primary in keeping good relationship. Keep a positive and encouraging attitude at all times.
4. Focus on making the other person happy. Think of creative ways to do or things you can say with sincerity to make the other person feel good at all times. Happiness drives away or mitigates problems.
5. Be honest and open about your needs without being demanding; give the other person the freedom to respond in his or her own time. Learn to wait with patience.
6. Grow as a person. Learn, experience and discover new things apart from your partner. Learn also about things that your partner is engaged with or interested about.
7. Always keep the communication line; always be willing to dialogue.
8. Learn to ask for forgiveness and to forgive even before it is asked, even when it is not asked.
Ending relationship and living after After even the best of efforts relationship may not work for some reasons beyond one or both partners' control or beyond their ability to cope. Knowing and accepting when it has to end can save prolonged agony and save lives from being wasted. Your integrity as a person should not be sacrificed for a relationship, when this is truly at stake, then it is time to call quits. A guide to making decision about ending relationship is knowing your hierarchy of values and the place of your relationship in the ladder of important values in your life. Higher values should not be sacrificed to keep your relationship. For some love of country, religion, family, tradition comes first. One need to know and listen to one's deeper /higher self to learn this. When necessary or simply beyond you, do not hesitate to seek competent help from someone who is both compassionate and of a wider perspective. And when everything is done put away the memories and all items that triggers memory of your relationship. Much better, focus on the new life you want for your self.
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Contributor's Note
First published in Qassia
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This intel was contributed by Norbert
Norbert
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May, 2012
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