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Loving Your Child through Personal Affirmation

By Norbert Isles

I have often been told that it is not easy to raise children, specially these days when there simply are too many outside influences and too many avenues through which they reach our children. They learn to adopt other values, becoming children of the world as much as or even more than their own parents. Soon, the ways they look at things differ greatly.

My experience as a parent is no exception to this. I found myself in cross purposes with one or the other of my children, and one or the other run into things that offended good values and my own sensibilities. However, this setback had been mitigated and eventually corrected as I consistently applied a parenting lesson I learned while still a young father.

When my eldest son, Wisdom, was yet six years old I usually take him to the 6:00 o’clock morning mass. During one of these daily masses, the words of the Father to our Lord Jesus at His baptism gripped my attention: “You are my beloved Son, on you my favor rests” Mark 1:11 (NAB). It occurred to me that if the Lord Jesus as an adult need to hear these words from His Father, how much more we and our children need to hear this. There and then I resolved to do the same to my son. As we were walking home, I touched his young shoulders and stopped him. As he looked right up to me, I told him, “Wiz, you are my beloved son. I am so pleased with you. I’m happy you are my son.” And the sweetest, most radiant smile I’ve ever seen spread across his face. I lowered down beside him and embraced him tenderly.

There came six other children, a daughter and five more sons. Over the years I found myself in the habit of singling each one of them whatever the problem, disagreements or trouble one or the other might have brought or been entangled with. And each time, in so many different words and in my actions I communicate to each of them the same reality, “You are my beloved, of whom I am well pleased”. And each time, both I and my son/daughter experience a powerful bonding that overcame whatever problem or trouble or need that was then current. My son Wisdom has his own three sons now, the eldest is six, and each time he takes them to visit me I make sure that I come over each of them with the same words I spoke to him when he was still six. And each time, the same delight, sense of satisfaction or deep contended sigh emanate from them as I embrace and hold them warmly close to me.

That there’s in each child a need to hear and experience the reality of these words from the heavenly Father is no more clearly demonstrated to me as in the high school graduation of my fourth son, Providence. Parents of the graduating class were asked to write their messages to their graduates and they were read as their pictures were projected to the overhead power point. My wife and I gave these words of affirmation for our son:

“You are precious in the eyes of God. And you know how precious you are to us and how delighted we are to have you as our child. We know you have within you the seeds of greatness and you are growing towards greatness, greatness in the eyes of God. Always keep God in your heart and in all you do. God’s love and providence is carrying you towards the fulfillment of His plan for you – “plans for your welfare, not for woe! plans to give you a future full of hope” Jeremiah 29:11 (NAB). Always be kind and compassionate towards others no matter who or what they are. You can do all things in Christ who is your strength. And in everything you do let there be only one motive – to love and honor God and care for other’s welfare. And remember, we are always for you and with you and behind you at all times no matter what. We love you.”

My son told me that after the graduation all of his classmates approached him and told him that they were most touched by that message and some were even in tears when they heard those words.

Mediating the Father’s affirmation to our children through our affirmation of their being sons and daughters - accepted, loved and appreciated for who they are, regardless of what they accomplish, perform or fail to do - works, truly works.

Contributed by Norbert on April 1, 2009, at 4:31 AM UTC.

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Such a beautiful article Norbert. Definitely a 5*

Children are precious and they need not only love and encouragement but also acknowledgement.

I am so glad I saw you online and able to see your intel. I will definitely be reading more of it.

Rosemary

classyrose Jan 5, 2011 20:58

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